It was on Marquette’s campus that Bonnie Nicholson first learned about the Jesuit concept of cura personalis — or “care for the whole person.” This hallmark of Ignatian spirituality emphasizes the holistic; that is, respecting and nurturing all that makes up an individual.
It’s a mantra that helps guide her life, teaching and research, so much so that she was recognized by Marquette’s College of Education as its Distinguished Alumna of the Year for her embodiment of the mission.
“I think it’s one of those things that I think you maybe take for granted when you’re a student at Marquette,” Nicholson says. “You know these values are part of your training. But it wasn’t really until I ended up embarking on my own career when I realized that these are pieces of who I am and these values continue to inform the kind of work that I do. They are a part of how I see the world.”
Now, those lessons learned as a student are instrumental as she looks to make a positive impact on the next generation and ensure they have the tools to develop across all aspects of their lives.
A professor and associate director at the University of Southern Mississippi’s School of Psychology, Nicholson heads the university’s Positive Parenting Research Team, investigating parenting and positive psychology constructs associated with healthy outcomes for children and parents.
In recent years, her focus has turned to “helicopter parenting” — commonly used to describe when parents are overly involved in their children’s lives in order to protect them and ensure their success. Helicopter parenting can take many forms, from parents micromanaging aspects of their young adult children’s lives, to providing excessive help with schoolwork, to taking on tasks their young adult children should be orchestrating themselves.
“There’s an increasing rate at which parents of college students are involved in making decisions for these young adults, rather than allowing their young adults to manage these things themselves,” Nicholson says.
These behaviors can seem innocuous at first — at worst, simply overbearing. But they can lead to poor outcomes for children over the long term. Nicholson and her colleagues have found children who have been helicopter parented have increased problems with distress tolerance, mental health and substance use concerns, difficulties with problem solving. This group can face a roadblock in terms of their holistic development and successful transition to adulthood.
That’s certainly no parent’s stated goal. An overinvolved parenting style often comes from a good place — a deep desire for their children to succeed. And Nicholson’s research shows that it does often result in diminished stress for both parents and students.
“What’s interesting is that college students report some satisfaction with that style of parenting,” Nicholson says. “They’re not unhappy that someone is meddling in their decision making because it’s helpful to them as well.”
For a time, at least. The anxiety that drives helicopter parenting has a toll in the end.
“What we’re finding is that helicopter parenting may be driven, in part, by fear,” Nicholson says. “There’s this 24-hour news cycle and social media just throws all this stuff at you about all the terrible that can happen to your kids. You easily can doom scroll your way into thinking that your overinvolvement is necessary to keep young adults from harm and lose track of the need to build in opportunities for young adults to problem solve on their own. The goal is to build competence and autonomy and that is often stifled when helicopter parenting is at play.”
The gap is wide between researchers’ understanding of this phenomenon and information provided to parents, according to Nicholson. She hopes her research will help inform parents of the lasting impacts of their behavior and of ways to ensure their children’s academic, social and mental well-being in a healthier manner.
It’s important that students take initiative, too. College provides an opportunity to grow — and make mistakes.
“What are some things I could take the initiative to do on my own?” Nicholson asks students to ponder. “What do I feel confident to do on my own. Maybe you get guidance on how to navigate a particular problem, but then navigate it yourself.”
